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LOVE BY OUTWARD SIGNS

Outward signs play an important role to express love. But there is a vast difference in these signs between boys and girls.

THINGS TO BE DONE BY THE GIRL

A girl always shows her love by outward actions, such as the following :

She never looks the man in the face, and becomes abashed when she is looked at, by him; under some pretext or other, she gone away from her side hangs down her head when she is asked some questions by him, and answers in indistinct words and unfinished sentences, delight to be in his company for a long time, speaks to her attendants in a peculiar tone with the hope of attracting his attention towards her when she is at a distance from him, does not wish to go from the place where he is, under some pretext or other she makes him look at different things, and narrates to him tales and stories very slowly so that she may continue conversing with him for a long time, kisses, and embraces before him a child sitting in her lap draws ornamental marks on the foreheads of her fennel servants performs sportive and graceful movements when her attendants speak jestingly to her in the presence of her lover, confides in her lover’s friends, and respects and obeys them, show kindness to his servants, converses with them and engages them to do her work as if she were their mistress, and listens attentively to them when they tell stories about her lover to somebody else, enters his house when induced to do so by the daughter of her nurse, and by her assistance manages to converse and play with him, avoid being seen by her lover when she is not dressed and decorated, give him by the hand of her female friend her ear ornament, ring, or garland of flowers that he may have asked to see, always wears anything that he may have presented to her, becomes dejected when any other bridegroom is mentioned by her parents, and does not mix with those who may be of his party, or who may support his claims?

There are also some verses on the subject as follows:

“A man, who has seen and perceived the feelings of the girl towards him, and who has noticed the outward signs and movements by which those feelings are expressed should do everything in his power to effect a union with her. He should gain over a young girl by childlike sports, a damsel come of age by his skill in the arts and a girl that loves him by having recourse to persons in whom she confides”.

Old authors say that although the girl loves the man ever so much, she should not offer herself, for a girl who does this, loses her dignity, and is liable to be scorned and rejected. But when the man shows his wish to enjoy her, she should be favorable to him and should show no charge in her demeanor when he embraces her and should receive all the manifestations of his love as if she were ignorant of the state of his mind. But when he tries to kiss her she should oppose him; when he begs to be allowed to have sexual intercourse with her she should let him touch importuned by him, she should resist his attempts to have her. It is only, moreover when she is certain that she is truly loved and that her lover is indeed devoted to her, and will not change his mind, that she should then give herself up to him, and persuade him to marry her quickly. After losing her virginity she should tell her confidential friends about it.

Here end the efforts of a girl to gain over a man.

There are also some verses on the subject as follows:

“A girl who is much sought after should marry the man that she likes, and whom she thinks would be obedient to her, and capable of giving her pleasure. But when from the desire for wealth a girl is married by her parents to a rich man without taking into consideration the character or looks of the bridegroom, or when given to a man who has several wives, she never becomes attached to the man, even though he be endowed with good qualities, obedient to her will, active, strong, and healthy, and anxious to please her in every way. A husband, who is obedient but yet master of him, though he is poor and not good-looking, is better than one, who is common to many women, even though he is handsome and attractive. The wives of rich men, when there are many wives, are not generally attached to their husbands, and are not confidential with them, and even though they possess all the external enjoyments of life, still have recourse to other men. A man who is of a low mind, who has fallen from his social position and who is much given to traveling, does not deserve to be married; neither does one who is devoted to gambling, and who comes to his wife only when he likes. Of all the lovers of a girl, he only is her true husband who possesses the qualities that are liked by her, and such a husband only enjoys real superiority over her, because he is a true husband of love.”

It may also be taken as a general rule that women either married to, or kept by rich men love them for their wealth, but not for themselves.

THINGS TO BE DONE BY MAN

Now when the girl begins to show her love by outward signs and motions, as described the lover should try to gain her over entirely by various ways and means, such as the following :

When engaged with her in any game or sport he should intentionally hold her hand. He should practice upon her the various kinds of embraces, such as the touching embrace, and others. He should show her a pair of human beings cut out of the leaf of a tree, and such like things, at intervals. When engaged in water sports, he should show an increased liking for the new foliage of trees and such things. He should describe to her the pangs he suffers on her account. He should relate to her the beautiful dream that he has had with reference to other women. At parties and assemblies of his caste, he should sit near her, and touch her underlegs, he should slowly touch each of her toes, and press the ends of the nails; if successful in this, he should get hold of her foot with his hand and repeat the same thing. He should also press a finger of her hand between his toes when she happens to be washing his feet; and whenever he gives anything to her or takes anything from her, he should show her by his manner and look how much he loves her.

He should sprinkle upon her the water brought for rinsing his mouth; and when alone with her in a lonely place or in darkness, he should make love to her, and tell her the true state of his mind without distressing her in any way.

Whenever he sits with her on the same seat in bed he should say to her, “I have something to tell you in private”, and then, when she comes to hear it in a quiet place, he should express his love to her more by manner and signs than by words. When he comes to know the state of her feelings towards him he should pretend to be ill, and should intentionally hold her hand and place it on his eyes and forehead, and under the pretense of preparing some medicine for him should ask her to do the work for his sake in the following words :

“This work must be done by you, and by nobody else.” When she wants to go away he should let her go, with an earnest request to come and see him again. This device of illness should be continued for three days and three nights. After this, when she begins coming to see him frequently, he should carry on long conversations with her, for, says Ghotakamukha, “though a man loves a girl ever so much, he never succeeds in winning her without a great deal of talking”. At last, when the man finds the girl completely gained over, he may then begin to enjoy her. As for the saying that women grow less timid than usual during the evening, and in darkness and are desirous of congress at those times, and do not oppose men then, and should only be enjoyed at these hours, it is a matter of talk only.

When it is impossible for the man to carry on his endeavors alone, he should, by means of the daughter of her nurse, or of a female friend in whom she confides, cause the girl to be brought to him without making known to her his desire, and he should then proceed with her in the manner above described. Or he should, in the beginning, send his own female servant to live with the girl as her friend, and should then gain her over by her means.

At last, when he knows the state of her feelings by her outward manner and conduct towards him at religious ceremonies, marriage, ceremonies, fairs, festivals, theatres, public assemblies, and such like occasions, he should begin to enjoy her when she is alone, for Vatsyayana lays it down, that women when resorted to at proper times and in proper places, do not turn away from their lovers.

EXAMINATION OF THE STATE OF A WOMAN’S MIND

When a man is trying to gain over a woman he should examine the state of her mind, and act as follows :

If she listens to him but does not manifest to him in any way her own intentions, he should then try to gain her over by means of a go-between.

If she meets him once, and again comes to meet him better dressed than before, or comes to him in some lonely place, he should be certain that she is capable of being enjoyed by the use of a little force. A woman who lets a man make up to her, but does not give herself up, even after a long time, should be considered as trifles in love; but owing to the fickleness of the human mind, even such a woman can be conquered by always keeping up a close acquaintance with her.

When a woman avoids the attentions of a man, and because of respect for him and pride in herself will not meet him or approach him, she can be gained over with difficulty, either by endeavoring to keep on familiar terms with her, or else by an exceedingly clever go-between.

When a man makes up with a woman, and she reproaches him with harsh words, she should be abandoned at once.

When a woman reproaches a man but at the same time acts affectionately towards him, she should be made love to in every way.

A woman, who meets a man in lonely places, and puts up with the touch of his foot, but pretends, on account of the indecision of her mind, not to be aware of it, should be conquered by patience, and by continued efforts as follows :

If she happens to go to sleep in his vicinity, he should put his left arm around her, and see when she awakes whether she repulses him in reality, or only repulses him in such a way as if she was desirous of the same thing being done to her again. And what the arm is done can also do by the foot. If the man succeeds in this point he should embrace her more closely, and if she will not stand the embrace and gets up, but behaves with him as usual the next day, he should consider then that she is not unwilling to be enjoyed by him. If however, she does not appear again, the man should try to get over her by means of a go-between; and if, after having disappeared for some time, she again appears, and behaves with him as usual, the man should then consider that she would not object to being united with him.

When a woman gives a man an opportunity and makes her own love manifest to him, he should proceed to enjoy her. And the signs of a woman manifesting her love are these:

• She calls out to a man without being addressed by him in the first instance.
• She shows herself to him in secret places.
• She speaks to him tremblingly and inarticulately.
• The fingers of her hand and the toes to her feet are moistened with perspiration, and her face blooming with delight.
• She occupies herself by shampooing his body and pressing his head.
• When shampooing his/her she works with one hand only, and with the other, she touches and embraces parts of his body.
• She remains with both hands placed on his body motionless as if she had been surprised by something or was overcome by fatigue.
• She sometimes bends down her face upon his thighs and, when asked to shampoo them does not manifest any unwillingness or fatigue.
• She places one of her hands quite motionless on his body, and even though the man should press it, she does not remove it for a long time.
• Lastly, when she has resisted all the efforts of the man to gain her over, she returns to him the next day to shampoo his body as before.
• When a woman neither gives encouragement to a man, nor avoids him, but hides and remains in some lonely place, she must be got at by means of the female servant who may, and then she should be gained over by means of a skilful go-between. But if she will have nothing to say to the man, he should consider well about her before he begins any further attempts to gain her over.
• A man should first get introduced to a woman, and then carry on a conversation with her. He should give her hints of his love for her, and if he finds from her replies that she receives these hints favorably, he should then set to work to gain her over without any fear. A woman who shows her love by outward signs to the man at his first interview should be gained over very easily. In the same way, a lascivious woman, who when addressed in loving words replies openly in words expressive of her love, should be considered to have been gained over at that very moment. With regard to all women, whether they be wise, simple, or confiding, this rule is laid down so that those who make an open manifestation of their love are easily gained over.