Bytes of Hilarity
HE’S so bald that ostriches
chase him for miles and then
try to hatch his head.
HE’S such a blockhead that
when he scratches his forehead,
he gets splinters in his fingers.
YOUR mouth is so big,
a daredevil,
would be afraid to jump
over it on a motorbike.
SHE’S so stupid, she was
the model for a score of
when they developed I.Q. tests.
His skin is so bad, it
looks like a relief map of
the surface of the moon.
SHE’S so skinny that when
she goes to the library,
people try to use her for
a bookmark.
His eyes are so
bloodshot, they look
like street maps of
London and Paris.
His Adam’s apple is so big,
every October he squeezes
it and get two pints of cider.
His feet are so big,
he has to wear suitcases
for shoes.
SHE’S so knock-kneed,
she sounds like a bongo
the player when she walks.
SHE’S so boring, doctors
prescribe her to put
people to sleep.
SHE’S so fat, people say,
“Pull up a sofa and sit down.”
SHE’S so gloomy,
people hire her to
cry at funerals.
HE’S so sloppy that
by the end of the meal
his mustache looks like
a hand-woven mixed salad.
“WHAT do you think Red China?”
one lady asked another during a
lunch on world affairs.
“Oh, I don’t know,” replied the
other lady. “I guess it would be
all right if you used
it on a yellow tablecloth.”
A man arrested for
gambling came before the
judge. “We weren’t playing
for money,” he explained to the judge.
“We are just playing for chips.”
“Chips are just the same as money,”
the judge sternly replied,
“I find you 15 dollars.”
The defendant looked sad,
then slowly reached into his
pocket and handed the
judge three blue chips.
SHE talks so much,
she has to go to the
doctor to have her jaw lubricated.
His fingernails were so
dirty when he finally cleaned them,
he dug up nineteen potatoes.
THE trouble with your
children is that when
they’re not being a lumb
in your throat,
they’re being a pain in your neck.
“SARAH, get your little
brother’s hat out of that mud puddle.”
“I can’t, Ma. He’s got
it strapped too tight under his chin.”