FEAR OF SEXUAL PERFORMANCE
Many married couples fear any kind of sex act and either of them may have to cut a sorry figure or hang down their head in shame, more so at the inception of intercourse. This is only an apprehension-based hesitancy that leads to an imperfect sexual job. The situation is often found in newly wedded couples, and especially among those who had freely indulged in sex acts or any other sexual activity during their young age, prior to marriage. All such fears are based on a lack of confidence or the protected superior sexuality of the other partner. The problem is more common in men, though women are also prey to it.
The solution lies in mutually understanding each other’s mental frame and explaining the inherent problem It may seek mutual solutions, etc. Due to gender superiority males hesitate to tell their sex problems to their partners lest they are mistaken as impotence or weak sex performers. The fact of the matter is such or any other fear is born out of apprehension only.
Premature ejaculation is the main fear of men. In Western countries sexual play, among married couples, is rarely taken off the feet by the couples, as most of whom must have pre-marital sex enjoyment. So, inhibition is an alien term to them. Each partner is fully aware of the problem of the other sex, as marital sex is merely a closed-door act they had been doing in their premarital days of sex play. They are more open to each other; hence post-marital sex play is simply a rehash of premarital sex play, and the curiosity element in both sex partners is found to be missing, as both are experienced hands.
The fear of non-performance haunts those who are novices and generally had no premarital sex coitus—even lack of performance stems from a lack of confidence in one’s own self, The fearing partner should take his mate into confidence and guide her/him as to what she/he should do to enhance and prolong sex pleasure, and what she/ he must not do to cause premature ejaculation. Foreplay is, in fact, meant also to be utilized for such and many other likes and dislikes, Do’s and Don’ts. This interaction should take place, with utter frankness, between both partners. For instance, if a woman plays with male sex organs, the man will naturally ejaculate earlier, much to disgust of both partners. ‘Foreplay’ should be fully utilized for proper and fair interaction. Once, both the partners understand each other’s problems, the problem would get resolved. But the ego in a man would be hurt, so he deserts from disclosing or seeking assistance from his mate. This element of hesitation must be given a go-by, as most problems are merely psychological and not physical.
The woman also hesitates to interact with her partner lest she is taken as a cold and frigid person. Here, the man should be guided as to handle which organ at what time, and how to play with it. Certain sensual women reach their orgasm earlier than their men and, when it so happens, the disgusted fellow is left in the middle of a sex game to fend for herself. Too many pre-coital sex acts usually ignite persons of both partners, and there is every chance that one of the two may ‘come’ earlier.
Fear of sex performance must not be allowed to intrude upon marital happiness. In certain cases, a woman/man may have imbibed or developed a few habits which are disliked by the other partner. Such odd acts are revulsive and irritating to the other partner. Those, who have freely indulged in sex acts in pre-marital days, shouldn’t ever infer or take for granted that other partner will accept all their odd habits and behavior. Only a cautious and friendly approach could find a viable way out, much to the enjoyment and satisfaction of both partners. It is a well-known adage that habits die hard, and once having died they erupt again. But one’s preferred ways of odd sexual behavior must not be ever imposed on the other partner.
In view of the foregoing, it can be easily deduced that fear of sexual performance can be easily resolved through interaction, frank and open discussions, and proper and mutual understanding. One or two failures, if tolerated, will bounce back confidence and faith which can go a long way in enjoying happy sex, rather than converting the tension-ridden atmosphere into a situation where there is no win or loss for anyone but total enjoyment.