“Funny Quotes on the Internet”
The party was a smoothly swinging scene
with all the lights turned low, and Clark espied a
female form alone in a corner. He crept up behind
her, and before she became aware of his presence,
he’d clasped her in a passionate embrace and
kissed her soundly.
“How dare you,” she shrieked indignantly,
pulling away.
“Pardon me,” Clark bluffed smoothly, “I
thought you were my sister.”
“You chowderhead,” she responded totally,
“I am your sister.”
The meek little bank clerk had his
suspicions. One day he left work early and, sure
enough, at home, he found a stranger’s hat and
umbrella in the hallway, and his wife was on the
couch in the living room in the arms of another
man. Wild for revenge, the husband picked up
the man’s umbrella and snapped it in two across
his knee. “There!” he exclaimed. “Now I hope it
rains!”
“Are you sure this is your house?” the cap
asked the thoroughly sozzled gentleman.
“Certainly,” said the drunk, “and if you’ll
just open the door fine, I’ll prove it to you.”
“You see that piano?” the drunk began.
“Thash mine you shee that television set? Thash
mine, too. Follow me.”
The police officer followed as he shakily
negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The
drink pushed open the first door they came to.
“Thish ish my bedroom,” he announced.
Shee, that bed? Shee, that woman lying in the bed?
Thash my wife, “A shee that guy lying next to
her?”
“Yeah,” said the cap suspiciously.
“Thash me!”
“It’s certainly nice to have someone like you
with us this evening,” said the nightclub comic
to the annoying ringside heckler, “And may I be
the first to shake you by the throat.”
“Yes, you heard correctly,” said Sunny
rather pensively to the cute cigarette girl. “My
wife has run off with my very best friend.”
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Sir,” said she. I
suppose he was a handsome scoundrel.”
“I don’t relly know,” said Sunny brightly.
“ I’ve never met the chap.”
Relatives of the late R.K. Sharma were
gathered to hear the reading of the will, and
seated in a far corner was a curvy blonde who
had served the last two years as Mr R.K. Shrma’s
secretary. The lawyer had almost finished and
there had been no mention of the very desirable
Miss Rasy, who was now perched uneasily on
the very edge of her chair, taking in every word.
“And finally,” the lawyer read, “to miss
Rosy, my beautiful but unfortunately
uncooperative secretary, whom I promised to
remember here: “Hello, there, Miss Rosy!”
Monika stretched out on the psychiatrist’s
couch-looking form but comely. With genuine
emotion, she cried, “I just can’t help myself,
doctor. No matter how hard I try to resist, I bring
five or six men with me into my bedroom every
night. Last night there were ten. I just feel so
miserable, I don’t know what to do.”
In understanding tones, the doctor rumbled,
“You, I know, I know, my dear.”
“Oh!” the surprised girl exclaimed. “Where
you there last night too?”