“Headline Jokes”
“Darling seductively sighed the fashion
model. If I didn’t wear all these beautiful clothes,
would you still think me attractive?”
He smiled and replied, “Test me.”
She was standing before the judge, crying
out her story: “Your honour, he gets up every
morning and starts knocking me around the
bedroom. He hits me in the head with his fist
and sometimes uses a shoe. If I don’t fix his
meals just how he likes them, he cooks me
with the pots and pans. If I dare to talk back to
him or say anything he doesn’t care for, he belts
me on the skull with a beer bottle. Your honour,
that man ought to be in jail.”
Turning to the defendant, the judge asked,
“What have you to say for yourself.”
You can’t believe a word that woman says,
“Your Honour said the man. She’s obviously
punch drunk.”
Vinay had just opened his law office, and
immediately hired three good-looking young
stenographers to work for him.
“But how,” a visiting friend inquired, eying
the three,
“do you expect to accomplish anything?”
“Simple,” Vinay grinned, “By giving two
of them the day off.”
A pink elephant, a green Kangaroo and two
yellow snake strolled up to the bar.
“You’re here a little early, boys,” said the
bartender, “he ain’t here yet.”
Sunny arrived at his office late one morning
and was greeted with giggles from the pretty
receptionist.
“What are you laughing at?” asked Sunny.
“There’s a big black smudge on your face,”
said, Monika.
“Oh, that!” said Sunny. That’s easy to
explain. I saw my wife off on a month’s vacation
this morning; I took her to the citation and
kissed her goodbye.”
“But what about the smudge?”
“As soon as she got on board, I ran up and
kissed the engine.”
Carte had been back from his honeymoon
only a week when a friend asked him how he
enjoyed married life.
“Why, it’s wonderful!” was his enthusiastic
reply. It’s almost like being in love.
Bobby’s mother had been away for a few
weeks and was questioning her small son about
events during her absence.
“Well, said the boy, one night, we had an
awful thunderstorm. It was so bad that I got
scared, and so Daddy and I slept together.”
“Bobby,” said Vineet, the boy’s pretty
French nursemaid, “You mean Daddy and I.”
“No, I don’t”, exclaimed Bobby. That was
last Thursday, “I’m talking about Monday night.”