TAKING a seat on a bue one day, I found myself
next to a youth of decidedly hipple appearance.
He was wearing one shoe. “I see you’ve lost a
shoe, son,” I ventured.
“So, man.” he replied laconically. “I found
one.”
“YOUNG man, how dare you? What do you
mean by embracing my daughter?
“I was just carrying out the scriptural injuction
“hold fast that which is good.”
“DO you love me, dear?”
“Dearly, sweetheart.”
“Would you die for me?”
“No. Mine is an un-dying love.”
SHE : “And are mine the only lips you have
kissed?”
He : “Yes, and they are the sweetest of all.”
A young Romeo to a lady who was walking
one the pavement after getting down from bus.’’
Your sandals are very good.’’
Baby : “Oh, is that so? Should I take these
out for you?”
Boy : “As a matter of fact, your Maxi is still
better.”
“ARE you fond of nuts?”
“Is this a proposal?”
WIFE : “I think there is a burglar in the house.”
Husband : “Well, let him remain alone. He will
find out his mistake himself.”
“To tell the truth, Doctor”, said a hardworking
housewife, “I’ve always wanted to have a
nervous breakdown. But every time I was about
to get around to it, it was time to fix somebody a
mean.”
SHE (driver her new car) : “Would you like to
see where I was vaccinated?”
He (expectantly) : “Yes, indeed.”
She : “Well keep your eyes open, we’ll drive
by there pretty soon.”
SAM got very friendly with Liza and they
decided to marry. But the girl’s father did not
agree and became very ngry and shifted the girl
to another city where her aunt lived.
Sam was so deeply in love with the girl that
he was writting 2 to 3 letters to her each day.
After six months came the news that his girl
friend has married the postman.
CASHIER to the Bank robber : “My fiend, take
this cash book also. I am short of two thousand
rupees.”
“DON’T you know that beautiful girl who moved
into the corner house last Week? I sang a poem
under her window last night, and she threw me
a beautiful red rose.”
“In a moment of made love?”
“No, in a three pound pot.”
THE guest speaker of the evening was
accompanied by his family members and a large
number of guests who had arrived from
outstation that morning only.
When the quest speaker stood up to speak,
he said, “I carry my own audience.”
IN the midst of an eloquent political speech,
some miscreants in the audience crewed like a
cock. It was done to perfection and the audience
was convulsed with laughter.
The speaker stopped speaking, listened till
the crowing ceased and pulled out his watch.
Then he said : “That is strange. My watch says
it is only ten O’clock. But there can’t be any
mistake. It must be morning for the insttincts of
the lower animals are absolutely infalliable.”
THE young man had been keeing company
with the girl for over two years, but still had given
no indication of serious intention.
“I had a strange dream last night,” he
remarked one day. “I dreamed that I proposed
to you. I wonder what that’s a sign of?”
The girl answered. “It’s a sign that you’ve got
more sense in sleep than awake.”
“DAUGHTER,” said the father, “Your young man
stays until a very late hour. Has not your mother
said something to you about this habit of his?”
“Yes, father,” replied the daughter sweetly.
“Mother says men haven’t already a bit.”
GOVERNOR wanted to know what career he
should choose for his undergraduate son. So
he put a Bible, a dollar, a bottle of whisky on the
table and slipped a curtain.
The youth came in. He mused a little. Then
he put the Bible under the arm, slipped the dollar
in his pocket, and took a generous dose of
whisky.
Heavens said the politician. “The boy will step
into my shoes.”
“I will be going now. Please don’t take the
trouble to see me to the door.”
“It’s no trouble, it’s a pleasure.”
“I will be going now. Please don’t take the
trouble to see me to the door.”
“It’s no trouble, it’s a pleasure.”
“I will be going now. Please don’t take the
trouble to see me to the door.”
“It’s no trouble, it’s a pleasure.”
“FOR the last time,” the husband shouted
towards the bedroom, “Are you ready to go?”
“For heaven’s sake, be quiet,” retorted his
wife, “I have been telling you for the last one
hour that I will be ready in a minute.”
“WILL you marry me?” the young man asked.
“No,” the young lady replied. “But I must
congratulate you on your excellent taste.”
FRIEND : “Dear Vickey you are indeed great. I
don’t understand how you manage ti impress
so many girls. Why not teach me also the trick?”
Vicky : “Oh, it is really difficult but I can tell
you the secret, you being my very dear friend.
But before I tell you, you do a small job for me.
Go to that shop infront and quietly steal in
handful of toffees.”
Friend : “What! You are telling me to steal?
Won’t do it.”
Vicky : “Look, if you can’t steal a handful of
sweets, how can you dare to steal the heart of a
young girl?”
A public function was going on. The
announcer came to the mike and said. “Now the
chief guest will deliver (There was sudden
interruption due to failure of power and so there
was a short break in the announcement).
The lady chief guest without kinwing about
the current failure at that spur of moment, got
furious and said angrily, “What is all this nonsense. The announcer is telling people I am
going to deliver.”
In the meantime, electric current got restored
and announcer again repeated, “and now the
Chief Guest will deliver the Address.”
I challenged by friend that if he is able to eat
one hundred Gulabjamuns, I will pay him
hundred ruppes.
Friend : “Give me one hour’s time.”
The friend returned after an hour and
accepted the bet. Gulabjamuns were ordered
and the friend ate all the hundred, and got a
hundred rupee note also.
I asked, “Well, it is good, that you have won
the bet, but I cannot understand why you asked
for an hour’s time.
He replied, “I had gone home to do rehearsal
whether I can eat that number.”
“I don’t mid telling you, I am a self-made man.”
“Well, it is mighty nice of you to take all the
blame that way.”
FRIEND : “I can swim with my head above the
water.”
The other : “So what? Wood always Floats.”
“I am home sick.”
“But don’t you live at home?”
“Yes, I am sick of it.”
“WELL, I am falling in love and I think I should
go to a palmist or a mind reader. Which one
would you suggest?”
“You would bettr go to a palmist you know
you have got a palm.”
“HELLO. Are you using your lawn-mover this
afternoon?”
“Yes, I’m afraid I am.”
“Splendid! Then you won’t be wanting your
tennis racket I’ve broken mine.
TWO M.P.s were talking to each other about
their plight.
One said, “It looks very bad when people start
looking at their watches in the midst of the
lecture.”
The other said, “That is tolerable, worse is
when the listeners start putting their watches to
the ears to check whether the watches have not
stopped.”
“SHE loves to dance-dancing is in her blood.”
“She must have poor circulation. It hasn’t got
down to her feet yet.”
“HAVE you got anything put away for a
rainyday?”
“Heah-an umbrella.”
“I have not slept for days.”
“Aren’t you tired?”
“No, I sleep nights.”
PICKPOCKET on visit to friend: “I hired a lawyer
for you this morning, but I had to hand him my
watch as a retainer.”
“And did he keep it?”
Pickpocket : “He think he did.”
A psychiatrist arriving unexpected early at his
office one morning was appalled to hear the
phone and say, “Yes, Miss?” …I
see…Yes…Yes…no…yes…Well, the best thing
I can suggest it that you go out and get yourself
screwed…
“DID you ever speak before a big audience?”
“Yes.”
“What did you say?”
“YOUR little brother just saw me kiss you. What
can I give him to keep him from telling?”
She : “He generally gets a five rupee note.”
DENTIST daughter : “Well, dear, have you asked
father for my hand yet?”
Boy Friend : “No. Every time I step into his
office, I lose courage. Today I allowed him to
pull another tooth.”
“HOW does you sister like the engagement
ring I gave her?”
“Well, it’s a little too small. She has an awful
hard time getting it off when the other fellows
call.”
LANY : “Why do you sing in the bathroom?”
Gary : “The door won’t lock.
“MY husband did not leave a bit of insurance.”
“Then where did you get that gorgeous
diamond ring?”
“Well, he left Rs. 9000/- for the casket and
Rupees 45,000/- for the stone. This is that
stone.”