“Keep Calm and Read These SMS Jokes”
To the pregnant woman at the cocktail party,
a guest went over and inquired, “Well, how are
you feeling these days?”
“Not too well,” said the expectant mother. “You
know I’ve missed seven or eight periods now
and it’s beginning to worry me.”
A man went to the Social Security office to
check for benefits.
They’d misplaced my file, but I convinced them
I was old enough to qualify for retirement in the
near future by unbuttoning my shirt and
displaying the white hair on my chest.”
You’re a blundering fool snarled his wife.” if
only you’d thought to drop your pants and shorts,
you could have qualified for immediate
disability.”
The lady got him undressed and into bed—
But he just lay there like having an attack of
conscience.
Peeved, the lady said, “I think I ought to tell
you, my husband, will be home in half an hour.”
“But I haven’t done anything I shouldn’t do,”
said the Jerk.
“Okay,” sighed the lady, “But if you have
something in mind, you better hurry.”
THE lady and her lover were in bed in a motel.
They were going at it well when the lady
suddenly exclaimed, “You know what I’m doing
is strictly against doctor’s orders.”
“What’s the matter, honey? Are you ill?
“No, I’m married to a doctor.”
WORRIES, worries…Most people worry about
getting AIDS from sex. Bill Clinton worries about
getting sex from aides.
THE downfall of some men is often due to the
upkeep of some women.
SOMETIMES opportunity knocks at the door;
other times the knock on the door spilt an
opportunity.
ADULTERY is two wrong people doing the right
thing. A man attended his cousin’s wedding and
overheard one woman’s guest comment. “Do you
know they are getting married even though
they’ve only known each other for two weeks?
“Well,” replied the other, “do you know a better
way to get acquainted.”