MALE-FEMALE ORGASMIC RESPONSE
For a satisfactory sex act, the male & female both should be satisfied after performing it, and both should feel orgasm, the peak of sexual pleasure.
THE FEMALE ORGASMIC RESPONSE
As a woman moves into the orgasmic stage, various changes happen within the body. The clitoris’s inner lips and outer tips remain basically. The same as they were at the end of the plateau phase. The genitally centered feelings of the orgasm are due to the strong vaginal contractions in the orgasmic platform. Masters and Johnson have measured three to five contractions for a mild orgasm and eight to twelve contractions for an intense orgasm. These contractions occur at intervals of eight-tenths of a second. This is true for all women and is the same as the spacing of the contractions in the man. As the outer third of the vagina is contracting, the inner two-thirds are expanding even further to form a place for the seminal fluid.
Women have two centers of orgasmic response. The orgasm is experienced not only in the vagina but also in the uterus. The uterus undergoes contractions similar to the first stages of labor. Some women have reported that they experience a dull pain in their lower abdomen. This may be due to the uterine contractions that occur. Once a woman’s fears have been allayed through the explanation that this is a normal response, she learns to enjoy the intensity of those contractions rather than to experience them as painful.
We knew a highly intense woman who was very responsive in the initial phases of the sexual experience: but then as she moved into the orgasmic response, she would draw back from further stimulation to avoid the lower abdominal discomfort. This had been true of the first eight years of her married life and was particularly noticeable when she was extremely aroused. As she learned to relax and let herself enjoy the abdominal feelings, her experience shifted from sensing the contractions as pain to experiencing them as intense pleasure. This confirms the close relationship between pain and pleasure in our bodies. Just as a very intense pleasurable sensation can easily shift to being painful, a painful sexual feeling may change to intense pleasure.
While the centers of the orgasmic response are in the vagina and the uterus, the sensations that grow out of this center include the whole body. It is analogous to dropping a rock into a pool of water: the most intense reaction is at the center where the rock is dropped, but the reaction continues to move out in wider and wider circles.
These total body responses occur in both men and women. Many of these begin during the plateau phase and reach their peak with the orgasm. Let us enumerate them. The heart rate increases up to 180 beats per minute. The blood pressure often rises measurably. The breathing intensifies, becoming deeper, faster, and noisier (hyper-ventilation). There may be a great deal of involuntary muscular movement—thrusting of the pelvis and spastic-like contractions of the face, arms, legs, back, or lower abdomen. There is a specific response that occurs in the foot called a carpopedal spasm, which is straightening out of the foot in a claw-like contraction, where the toes curl downward and away from the body (hyperextension). These are all involuntary responses that cannot be controlled.
Many times the contractions of the face, particularly the mouth, are of great concern to women. Some women like to make love with the lights out because they do not want to be seen making these ‘unladylike’ responses. In the face, the contracting muscles may give the appearance of a frown, scowl, or grimace. The mouth may open involuntarily with a gasping kind of reaction that may also include some involuntary sounds or words. Once a woman can accept the fact that all these reactions and noises are a natural part of the sexual response, it may become easier for her to let herself be responsive to her husband. Many women are surprised to find that rather than turning off their partners, these reactions will usually heighten a man’s arousal. We have assigned couples simulated practices of these total body responses. In these experiences, they might lie on a bed side by side, with clothes on or off, and practice breathing loudly, letting out gasps and moans, and making spastic-like faces and movements. This usually turns into a hilarious event that reduces inhibition and allows these natural responses in future sexual encounters.
VAGINAL V/s. CLITORAL ORGASM
Much has been written and many misconceptions have been passed on about various kinds of female orgasms. It is important to understand the background of these myths. When Freud was developing his psychoanalytic theory, in some of his writings he defined the woman who had only achieved orgasm through external or manual stimulation as an immature woman—in fact, a little girl. He said that as a woman matured into full womanhood she would obviously have her orgasm in the ‘normal’ adult manner, that is as a result of vaginal penetration through intercourse. These concepts have been disseminated throughout the Western world and used to put pressure on women to experience orgasms during sexual intercourse. The research of Masters and Johnson has proven Freud’s theories to be physiologically inaccurate and thus has diminished the potency of Freud’s argument from a psychological perspective.
Masters and Johnson found that there is only one kind of orgasm a woman can experience. All orgasms, regardless of the source of stimulation, are exactly the same in terms of their physical components. When a woman has an orgasm, whether it is the result of her thoughts and fantasies, self-stimulation, breast stimulation, manual stimulation by her partner, or intercourse, exactly the same things happen to her body as were just described. There is the formation of the orgasmic platform, the contractions in the outer third of the vagina, and the contractions of the uterus. All bodily responses occur regardless of the source of stimulation.
Some women who have experienced orgasms from both external and internal stimulation report that they find these two to be different on an emotional level. For them, the orgasm while the man is inside feels more fulfilling than an orgasm brought about by external stimulation. This is a matter of personal preference for a woman. There is nothing wrong with striving for orgasm during intercourse unless that becomes an inhibiting effort. There is also nothing wrong with being satisfied with having an orgasm as a result of external stimulation. In fact, some women report a more intense response when the penis is not in the vagina.
Many times the pressure on a woman to have her orgasm during intercourse is a serious deterrent to full satisfaction. This pressure may come from a husband who feels he is less of a man because he “can’t get her to have an orgasm during intercourse.” It is as though his worth is dependent on achieving this goal. This mentality is in contrast to our suggestion that each person be responsible to pursue his or her own sexual desires as long as it is not at the expense of the other.
THE MALE ORGASMIC RESPONSE
We have said that during the excitement and plateau phases, the man’s penis becomes erect, the skin of the scrotum thickens, the right testicle rises and rotates toward the body and seminal fluid begins to gather.
State 1: As a man nears the end of the plateau phase and moves into the orgasmic phase, he begins to notice that some changes are taking place. He senses that he is getting ready to ejaculate. Most men can identify when this occurs, though they usually do not know what is happening to their bodies. They are approaching the point of no return.
A number of changes take place during this first stage of the orgasmic response. Contractions in the prostate gland occur at eight-tenths or second intervals. The outlet (sphincter) from the bladder closes off so that none of the seminal fluid will be pushed back into the bladder nor will any urine escape during ejaculation. Most men are aware that immediately before or after an ejaculation it is almost impossible to urinate. This is so because the opening from the bladder has been closed in preparation for the ejaculation. Another change now takes place. The left testicle pulls up toward the body and rotates about one-quarter of a turn. All of these changes take place in a few seconds. They are warnings to the man that he is about to ejaculate. In addition to these warnings, the seminal fluid gathers near the base of the penis in readiness for expulsion during the contractions that occur in the second stage of the orgasmic phase.
State 2: When a man reaches the point of no return or ejaculatory inevitability, the ejaculation will take place. There is nothing he can do to stop it. He can try to stop, the phone can ring or a bucket of water can be dumped on his head, but he will ejaculate! The ejaculation consists of contractions along the seminal duct system and the penis, which forces the seminal fluid out of the end of the penis. In younger men the force is more intense, causing greater spurts. The force of the ejaculation decreases with age. The contractions of the penis and seminal duct system are eight-tenths of a second apart. Men usually experience five or six such contractions, with the second and third usually the most intense. The seminal fluid which is expelled contains between 250 and 500 million living sperm which will stay active within the vagina for up to ten hours after expulsion.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MALE AND FEMALE ORGASMIC EXPERIENCES
If it is the first time in a while that a man has had an ejaculation, he will usually experience greater pleasure and intensity. If he has had another ejaculation a few minutes or a few hours before, it may be less intense. Women often experience the opposite: the more orgasmic experiences they have the greater the pleasure.
We want to emphasize the fact again that when a man reaches the point of ejaculatory inevitability or the point of no return, there is no way his ejaculation can be interrupted. On the contrary, a woman’s orgasmic response can be broken into even after it has begun. This is not possible for a man.
Some of the other differences that should be noted between men’s and women’s orgasms have to do with where the feelings are centered and where the responses take place. For the man, the climax is very genitally centered. Even though there are total body responses, it is as though all the pleasurable sensations are centered in the genital area, particularly the penis. For the woman, the feelings are more encompassing. Her orgasm begins in the genitals and then moves out in waves to the whole body and back to the genitals. This includes not only the physical response of vaginal and uterine contractions but all the warm feelings that emanate throughout the woman’s total body.
RESOLUTION
For the woman, the resolution phase varies significantly, depending on whether or not she has had a release. If she has had an orgasmic release-whether this has come about as a result of manual stimulation or intercourse—the body goes into a rather quick period of tension loss. Everything moves in the reverse of what has occurred throughout the excitement plateau and orgasmic phases. The whole genital area is relieved of tension and congestion. That is, the extra blood flows out of the area. The woman may feel a tingling sensation as this happens. The vagina, cervix, and uterus move back into their pre-stimulated stage and the woman’s whole body is relaxed.
If the woman has not had an orgasmic release, the resolution phase takes much longer. She may stay significantly engorged for several hours. Some doctors have reported that the engorgement can last well beyond one or two hours. Many women will experience a significant amount of tension during this extended resolution period. A woman may cry, thus providing the physical and emotional release denied her by the lack of orgasm. Her crying may cause her to turn away from her husband in a kind of shame. This turning away is just the opposite of what both she and her husband need. What they need is warmth, affirmation, and reassurance. The human body is designed for sexual release, if arousal takes place without release it is likely to cause discomfort. That discomfort can best be handled through the mutual expression of care and affirmation.
If you are a woman who consistently experiences arousal without release it is crucial that you share this with your husband. Let him know what your body feels like so that the two of you can move closer together. There can be some relief even in being reached out to. He needs to know what you need.
What about multiple orgasms? A woman’s body is designed so that she can have another orgasm at any point of the resolution phase. It can be five seconds, five minutes, or fifty minutes after the previous orgasm. There is no waiting or rest period necessary before she is physically capable of experiencing another orgasm if the stimulation is continued or renewed. Her body does not need to return to its prestimulated state before it can be responsive again. This is not to say that having more than one orgasm is better, or that sexually “together” women will desire this. The point is that, physically, if she desires it and can allow it, the woman’s orgasm can be repeated indefinitely.
FOR THE MAN
After orgasmic release, the man returns rather quickly to the prestimulated state. His erection may not decrease completely, but the penis is usually somewhat flaccid and the testicles lowered. There is a loss in the tension build-up and in the intensity of the feelings. Some men report that the glans or head of the penis becomes very sensitive to touch after an ejaculation and that because of this they want to quickly disengage from their partner. The man may not have told this to his wife because he feels uncomfortable or embarrassed about it. It is important to know that a significant number of men feel this post-ejaculation pain. If you experience this discomfort, it is crucial to share this with your partner so that she is sympathetic and understanding, rather than taking your withdrawal as a kind of rejection.
It is rare for a man not to experience orgasm. However, there are some men (especially older men) who do not need an orgasm and who do not feel frustrated without one.