POST-COITAL PLEASURE
Having sex puts men to sleep but wakes women up. So while you’re desperately craving a little post-coital closeness with your man, he’s zoned out in front of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not reruns on AXN, or catching some zzzs. Why, you wonder? Unfortunately, the cocktail of sex hormones released after both women and men climax can have totally opposite effects on our post-sex wish list.
“Studies show that following intercourse, the male brain often goes into a rest state—he feels drained and tired—while the woman’s brain is stimulated and desires bonding,” explains Michael Gurian, therapist, and author of What Could He Be Thinking: How A Man’s Mind Really Works.
Fear not, though. We’ve overcome those biological obstacles and identified after-play pleasures that will satisfy you both. Some are designed to short-circuit his snooze reflex and electrify his body; others indulge his just-shagged daze while feeding your need for intimacy. Read on to discover the randy moves that will create the most pleasurable and satisfying after-sex moments you have had with your man yet.
PAY HIM A CARNAL COMPLIMENT
Guys are suckers for hearing about their sizzling sex skills. When you mention the mattress moves that drove you wild, it strokes his ego and makes him feel virile. “Men can feel anxious about their performance, so they really want to hear it from you that you had a good time in bed,” says Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide To A Healthy Relationship. Your flattering feedback will keep him from dozing he is definitely gonna stay awake for this performance assessment, and help kick-start light conversation, which you may be in the mood for right about now. So recall the evening’s erotic events in detail, but don’t go too over the top with your carnal confessions. Whenever a girl raves about the sex but doesn’t give specifics, I feel like she’s blowing smoke up my ass,” admits Ewan, 27. To start, you can describe your favorite body lock: “That position where I got on top of you and we both straightened our legs … WOW!” Or, opt for a little technique approval: “I really liked the way you kept so still while I was climaxing.,
Your dirty talk will stay with him long after your lacy thong has been retrieved from the ceiling fan. “It leaves a very sexy impression,” assures Josh, 25. Plus, there is a long-term benefit to this booty wrap-up: it imprints your “Yes, please!” moments in his memory for next time.
GIVE HIM A MASSAGE
Just because the sex is over doesn’t mean it’s hands-off. Massage is a great way to maintain that physical connection for you while prolonging his bliss buzz. Obviously, foreplay hot spots—such as his privates—will be a tender no-go zone. “There’s nothing worse than a girl who keeps handling your goods after sex,” complains Matt, 27. “It’s never a good idea.” Remember, you need to unlock the erogenous zones that will keep your guy in a state of ongoing pleasure, not pain.
If you crave a more relaxing and sensual session, position yourself so that you’re lying on your side, facing him. “Trace light circles on his torso. Starting at the chest, move around the navel, skim the pelvic bone, and continue back up,” says Steve Capellini, massage therapist and author of Massage For Dummies. “Or stroke your fingertips from his collarbone down over his chest to his hip bones and back again.” These moves allow you to tickle his fancy while still maintaining an intimate post-passion gaze.
When you want him to reciprocate, try to tempt him with a more invigorating touch. Capellini suggests a technique called percussion. Have your guy be on his stomach and straddle him. “Bounce the sides of your hands or push and tap your fingertips along his back and buttocks,” says Capellini. While you enjoy the tactile thrill of having your legs wrapped around him, your touch encourages increased blood flow, making him feel energized rather than drained…and may even inspire him to return the favor.
TAKE A SHOWER
When Cosmo asked guys about the most sexalicious thing women could do after getting busy, this was their number-one plea: suggest a shower or two. It’s a no brainier. Any situation that has you hot, wet, nude, and invading his personal space is bound to overpower his post-coital crash response. “I love being pulled into the shower by my girlfriend after sex. Her wet body rubbing against me’s all good.’’
Start by taking turns slowly scrubbing each other’s back, shoulders, and neck. Then press up against your lover for some sexy snuggling under the shower stream, running your slippery, sudsy hands over his back and butt.
The heat-soaked environment not only keeps your body super-close, but it also actually prolongs the post-orgasmic flush of your just-finished booty session. Here’s how: “As the hot water hits your skin, it stimulates blood flow and circulation, which keeps your body feeling aroused,” says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a sexologist based in San Francisco, US.
If all this post-coital closeness inspires something frisky to unfold between you and him, go right there. But ultimately, being so together after being so intimate is often enough of a rush.
TOUCH YOURSELF
If the first romp has left you yearning for a repeat performance—but he’s totally wiped out— try and turn your attention downstairs for some self-stimulation and leave the invitation open for him to take over. “Guys need time to recover before they can go again, and this is only made more difficult if they feel pressured,” says Kuriansk. So let him know you had an amazing time and that you just want him to be there while you make the most of how aroused you feel.
Whether he joins in or not, guys love to watch, so it’s a win-win situation. “A woman touching herself next to me in bed? That’s about as good as life gets,” says Christian. Even if your menagea-moi doesn’t tempt him out of retirement, you finish on a high note and he gets a private peep show.
SNUGGLE UP
The ultimate compromise between his and her post-coital carvings is the snuggle-up. Being held after sex feels so good for you, while he gets to kick back and indulge his snooze reflex. And the good news is, it’s somewhat of a mattress myth that men are turned off by a little after-sex cuddling. “There is an assumption that men are more emotionally detached from intercourse than women are. But a lot of them do want to feel that closeness too,” explains Carolynn Hillman, a sex therapist based in NewYork City. “Chander totally agrees lying in bed together and holding my girlfriend after sex is a big part of the buzz.”
Of course, if your man isn’t a throw his-armsaround-you kind of guy, saying “hold me” sounds kind of lame. Instead, let him settle into a comfortable snoozing position and then wrap his arm around you or spoon him and enjoy that just shagged feeling.
MORE FLIRTING
You can never be too familiar at first, so rediscover your man’s playful, sexy side with these tempting triggers.
IT’S A TWO-WAY STREET
“Women are used to guys making all the moves in the beginning,” says Gail E. Wyatt, Ph.D., a sex therapist. But once you’re together, guys can get lazy. So, tickle his tender spots to provoke a fun rumble or shoot him a coy look from across the bar.
SEX UP THE BORING STUFF
You can turn normally mundane moments into racy exchanges. “Next time you’re running errands, steel a well-concealed caress,” says Sandra Anne Taylor, author of Secrets of Attraction. Or, at the store, say something like, “Want to lick this off me later ?” Chocolate syrup can be so saucy!
PLAN A MYSTERY DATE
“Nothing ignites a man’s interest faster than intrigue,” says Taylor. Give him a time—”See you at eight, Sexy”—but skip the details. His anticipation combined with your sinful grin and subtle body contact will flick the switch on his inner flirt.
BLOW HIS MIND TIP
The second easiest thing to arouse in a man is his spirit of competition. So go ahead, pose him a challenge where you both win. Ask him to guess what kind of lingerie you’re wearing, your favorite mattress move, or which of your hands contains a naughty surprise. If he’s totally clueless, set a privy punishment, such as 10 push-ups (naked). Next up, it’s his turn to give you a tawdry task.