“Quirky Quips: Witty One-liners and Jokes”
“THE newspapers say you’re a hero, that you survived
sixty days on a life raft after the ship, you were
on went down,” said the concerned wife.
“That you were out there on the
The Indian Ocean all by yourself.”
The good wife sighed, “And yet I feel, darling,
that you are holding something back.”
“Since you’ve been so wonderful,” the husband said,
“I must confess that I am. There was a lovely girl on
that life raft with me. She was on the tramp
steamer with me when the iceberg struck—and we
were the only ones who survived.”
“Aha.” said the understanding wife.
“It wasn’t like that, dear,” the husband said.
“All right, she was a hooker but saved my life.
We had no food or water; all we had were
ourselves demanded sharply.”
The husband gulped, “You must understand
how it was out there, dear. We had no food or water;
all we had were our naked bodies.”
“You already told me that,” the wife said.
“We held each other tight: all we had were naked
bodies under the blazing sun. All right, you want
to know the truth. We fucked, yes.
We fucked—all the time; if it hadn’t been for that wonderful girl
would never have pulled Through.
Believe this—she saved my life.”
Slowly the wife said, “I don’t like it,
but I suppose I can live with it. My point
is—have you ever seen her again?”
“Just once, darling,” said the husband.
“Just once, at the sales convention in Las Vegas this summer.”
“And what was she doing?” the wife asked.
“Still saving lives, honey’s,” said the husband.
“Still saving lives.”
During World War II, a rather high-ranking
The American officer was surprised by
counter-intelligence while being fellated by
seductive female Axe spy. He was thereupon
court-martialed on the charge of insertion in
the face of the enemy.
“Where can I get hold of your sister?”
“I don’t know. She’s ticklish.”
Why did New York Police take the
911 emergency number off the back of
their squad cars? Because thieves kept
stealing them thinking they were Porsches.