THE BASICS OF CHATTING-UP
Most people find it hard to approach a member of the opposite sex. In fact, those who say they find it easy are probably either famous pop stars or liars. Approaching a woman for the first time is one of the hardest obstacles that has to be overcome in life. It is up there with taking exams, opening the envelope with your results, and keeping your drink down while you celebrate/ commiserate. Unlike exams, however, success at chatting up offers great potential rewards.
People are surprised when they hear that an incredibly attractive person finds it hard to ‘chat someone up’. If they find it hard, it is to say they lack confidence. Therefore good looks do not necessarily endow confidence in a man. It really has nothing to do with physical characteristics: to approach someone you need courage, and this can be bought in handy bottles and cans at pubs and off licenses.
Another common hangup is the difficulty in talking coherently to the opposite sex. You might find it easy talking to your friends but as soon as you have to talk to a woman the words cease to flow and you’re left feeling self-conscious and embarrassed. You lose control of your mouth and all the wrong words come out.
Instead of ‘I’d like to shag you’, you can only stammer the words ‘Hi, how are you?’ Your nerves have blown it for you. She tells you her name, and again you want to ask her for a shag, but all you can tell her is your own name. And so the conversation progresses. You really want to cut the crap and tell her what you’re after because if she’s not after that you’re wasting your time. She starts to like you and thinks you’re an interesting person, but bedded bliss doesn’t seem to be moving toward you very quickly.
You try one more time to ask her back to your place for a shag, but the words come out as ‘I’m not the sort of person who does it on a first date,’ because that’s what you’re brain thinks is in your longer-term interests. ‘That’s a shame,’ she replies, ‘because I was going to offer you a shag. Looks like I’ve been wasting my time.’ And off she goes. happens all the time.
It’s very important to control your brain and say what you want to say in order to avoid portraying an erroneous persona. But controlling your brain is just one of a myriad of things that have to be carried out simultaneously when chatting up. Obviously, the loins have to be dampened until they are needed, your body language will be under observation, and even the pace of your breathing can make or break the situation. These aspects will all have to be mastered individually, and then combined to produce the polished performer that you want to be.