The Best of Online Comedy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two women were talking, and one asked
the other,
“Do you smoke when you have sex?”
“I don’t know”, the other woman said, “I’ve
never looked!”

This husband and wife are driving in a game
preserve in Africa and run over a chunk. The
husband says to the wife, “Hurry up, let’s get
this skunk and hide it—here comes the game
warden.” The woman says, “Well, where do you
want me to hide it?” And the man says, “Put it
under your skirt.” And the woman says, “But it
stinks!” And the guy says, “Well, I got used to
it. You ought to be used to it too!”

The psychiatrist was candid. He turned to
the mother and said, “This eccentricity in your
daughter, couldn’t that be termed hereditary?”
The mother was indignant. “I’ll have you
know, Doctor, there has never been any
hereditary in our family.”

 

Three black girls are sitting around talking
about their boyfriends, and one says, “I call my
boyfriend 86 because he’s eighty inches long
and six inches around.”
The next girl says, “I call my boyfriend 27
because he’s two times a day, seven days a week.”
The last girl says, “I call my boyfriend
dram because the other asks, “Why do you call
him Drambuie?”
That sounds like liquor. “And the last girl
says, That’s him!”
How did you get in?
With a friend’s ticket.
Where’s your friend?
Home looking for his ticket?

This guy goes out and buys his mother a
very expensive birthday present a beautiful parrot
that speaks five languages and costs 10,000. He
pays for the bird and has it delivered to her
apartment. Later on, he drops by and says. “Did
you get my present?”
“Yes!” says his mother,
“And, son, I must say, it was Delicious!”
Delicious!” he says,
“Mother! That was a very expensive bird—
it spoke five languages!”
“So!” says the old lady. “It spoke five
languages? Then why didn’t say something!”
What’s green and makes holes?
A drill pickle.

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