The Comical Web
A student always used to make mistake in
spelling the word “Professor.”
The teacher said that to avoid making a
mistake again, remember that the professor has
one ‘F’ as in fool and two ‘S’ as in ass.
THE teacher handed back to the class the
answer books she had marked.
“Does anyone want to ask a question,” she
enquired.
“Yes, Madam. I cannot read what you have
written at the bottom of my paper,” a boy said.
The teacher glanced at the paper, looked from
all directions and after a while, said, “I have
written, you must write more clearly.”
ONE sweet young thing arrived at the foot-ball
game after the first-half. “The score is nothing
to nothing,” she heard a fan saying.
“Oh good,” she looked to her escort. “Then
we haven’t missed a thing.”
HUNTER : “I spotted a leopard.”
Wife : “Don’t be silly, dear. They grow that
way.”
TEACHER : “Tome, when was Rome built?”
Tome : “It was built during the night.”
Teacher : “The night where did you ever get
such an idea.”
Tome : Well, everyone knows that Rome was
not built in a day.’’
JUDGE : “The last time I saw you, I told you
that I didn’t want to see you here again.”
Accused : “That is what I tried to tell these
policeman, your Honour, but they would not
believe me.”
LISTENING to world heavy-weight boxing
champion sign, an onlooker scoffed, “Who told
him he could sing?”
An Actress answered : “Who’s going to tell
him he can’t?”
MAGISTRATE : “You have been sentenced eight
times and this makes the ninth you ought to be
throughly ashamed of yourself.”
Prisoner : “I say, Sir, no man ought to be
ashamed of his convictions.”
WHEN a Russian worker left his factory at the
end of the day pushing a wheelbarrow full of
straw, a guard halted him and carefully exemined
the straw, but found nothing.
Each day the performenace was repeated,
and each day guard found nothing, no matter
how carefully he searched.
After a month of this, the guard said to the
worker: “Look, I am about to be sent out. You
can talk freely to me. I give you my word I won’t
tell. But I am curious what are you stealing?”
“I am stealing wheelbarrows”, the worker
confessed.
TEACHER : “Come up here and bring out
whatever you hve in your mouth.”
Student : “I wish I could. It’s a toothache.”
WRITER : “Do you think I should put more fire
into my editorials?”
Editor : “No, just vice-versa.”
CHEMISTRY Teacher : “What can you tell about
Nitrates?”
Student : “Well, I think they are cheaper than
day rates.”
PRISONER : “The judge sent me here for the
rest of my life.”
Prison guard : “Got any complaints?”
Prisoner : “Do you call breaking rock with
manner a rest?”
JUDGE : “Counsel, why are you addressing me
as Gentleman? I should be addressed as “Your
Honour”.
Counsel : “Your Honour, I am sorry I called
you Gentleman. I regret. I was wrong.
WIFE (accused) was weeping in the court
room. She had been charged for murder of hr
husband.
Advocate said to her, “If you loved your
husband so much, then why did you give him
poison?”
Wife : “Husband asked me to give such a drink
which will make him absolutely cold. I carried
out only his orders.”
PUBLISHER : “Did you receive our cheque?”
Author : “Thrice. Once from you and twice
from your bank.”
A young writer sent a number of manuscripts
to a celebrated newspaper columnist, asking his
advice as to the best channel for marketing the
writing.
The manuscripts came back with the note,
“The one channel I can recommend as the
greatest outlet for articles or this type is the
“English Channel.”
“YOU admit having broken into the same dress
shop four times. What did you steal?”
“A dress for my wife, but she made change it
three times.
EDITOR : “Isn’t it the manuscript I rejected last
time?”
Author : “Yes.”
Editor : “Then why have you brought it again?”
Author : “Because since then I have obtained
three year’s experience.”
“I believe”, he proclaimed, “I could write like
Shakespeare if I had a mind to try it.”
“Yes,” retorted Lewis, “nothing is lacking but
the mind.”