The Laugh Factory of the Internet
MAN: Judge, I want a divorce.
My wife keeps a pig in our bedroom
at night and the stench is terrible.
Judge: Well, why don’t
you open a window?
Man: What! And lose all my pigeons?
MEETINGS and conventions
are functions that one attends to
learn things he already knows,
but he does not have time
to put into practice because
there are so many meetings and
conventions to attend.
HE who eats an apple a day is
frowned upon by the A.M.A.
OF all liars, the smoothest and
most convincing is the memory.
To keep your teeth in good
shape, mind your own business.
MINISTER at funeral service: Friends,
in this coffin is the body of
our beloved departed one.
It is only the shell, the nut has gone.”
There are three kinds of
memory: Good, bad, and convenient.
MIDDLE age is that period when
you are just as young as ever,
but it takes a lot more effort.
MIDDLE age is when you still
have the old spark, but it
takes more puffing. Maybe
they call it middle age
because that’s where it shows first.
MIDDLE age is the time when
your idea of getting ahead is staying even.
YOU’RE middle-aged when your
stomach goes out for a career of its own.
A middle-aged man’s waistline
is his line of least resistance.
PRIEST: Joe, when are you going to
break down and eat ham?
Joe: At your wedding, Father.