The Most Memorable Online Jokes
One Sunday a farmer went to church. When
he entered he saw that he and the preacher were
the only ones present. The preacher asked the
farmer if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The farmer said, “I’m not too smart, but if went
to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d
feed him”. So the preacher began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished
and came down to ask the farmer how he had
liked the sermon.
The farmer answered slowly, “Well, I’m not
very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and
only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him
all the hay.”
“IF you’re such a good fortune-teller, you
should be able to tell me the score of tonight’s
hockey game before it starts!”
“Before the game starts the score will be
nothing to nothing!”
TOM: What are you eating?
Sam: Calves’ brains and oxtail soup.
Tom: That’s one way of making ends meet.
A Sunday school class was being quizzed on
the prodigal son. The teacher asked one
youngster, “Who was sorry when the prodigal
son returned home?”
The body gave it a lot of deep thought, then
said, “The fatted calf.”
A woman offered a brand-new Porsche for
sale for a price of ten dollars. A man answered
the ad, but he was lightly disbelieving.
“What’s the gimmick?” He inquired.
“No gimmick,” the woman answered. “My
husband died, and in his will, he asked that the
car be sold and the money goes to his secretary.”
A farmer was in town at noon and went into a
restaurant for a hamburger and french fries.
When he was served, he quietly showed his head
and gave the Lord thanks for his food.
Some rough-looking fellows at the next table
saw him and thought they would give him a hard
time. One of them called out, “Hey, Farmer, does
everyone do that where you live?”
“No, son,” answered the farmer,” the pigs and
donkeys don’t.”
A little prospector wearing clean new shoes
walked into a saloon. A big Texan said to his
friend standing at the bar, “Watch me make this
dude dance.” He walked over to the prospector
and said, “You’re a foreigner, aren’t you? From
the East?”
“You might say that,” the little prospector
answered. “I’m from Boston and I’m here
prospecting for gold.”
“Now tell me something. Can you dance?”
“No, Sir, I never did learn to dance.”
“Well, I’m going to teach you. You’ll be
surprised how quickly you can learn”.
With that, the Texan took out his gun and
started shooting at the prospector’s feet.
Hopping, skipping, jumping, by the time the little
prospector made it to the door he was shaking
like a leaf.
About an hour later the Texan left the saloon.
As so on as he stepped outside the door, he
heard a click. He look around and there, four
feet from his head, was the biggest shotgun
the had ever seen.
The little prospector said, “Mr. Texan, have
you ever kissed a mule?”
“No,” said the quick-thinking Texan,” but I’ve
always wanted.”