The Top-Notch Digital Humor
A young student told his friend that last night
he saw a very inauspicious dream. He was
standing amidst beautiful girls.
“Then, certainly it is an auspicious dream,”
remarked the friend.
“But in the dream, I myself was also a girl,
said the young student.
A youth said to a jeweler, I like this ring.
Please inscribe on it for my sweetheart Raj.
“In my opinion, said the jeweler, “better you
get inscribed for my sweetheart only. This will
serve your purpose forever.
When a boy or a girl in his or her late teens
drives his or her father’s car he or she subtracts
five years from the life of a car and adds the
the same number of years as the age of the father.
PILOT (to control tower): I’m out of fuel and
seven hundred miles away over a mountain.
Urgently request instructions.
Control Tower (to pilot): Make your peace
with God and repeat after me our father, who
art in heaven ……
In a very small state several men were taken
prisoners and were lodged in a small jail. With
the passage of time the cost of feeding, guarding
etc. of the prisoners became too much of a
burden. Ultimately the administration decided
that since all the prisoners were skilled workers
and craftsman they should be released on parole
during the day in order that they might earn their
upkeep.
They had, however, to be back in time to be
locked up by 9 p.m.
DOCTOR: Do you drink?
Man: Yes sometimes just to steady me.
Doctor: And this has no harmful effects?
Man: Well, there are times when I get so
steady that I can’t move.
TWO village women were sitting on the bank
of a pond with their legs in the water. Suddenly
one let out a yell.
“What’s the trouble, asked the first.” A
crocodile has just bitten off my foot.” Which one?
What does it matter? The horrible creatures
all look alike to me.
A schoolmaster was teaching arithmetic in
such a fashion that pupils got bored to tears. A
little boy looked more than just bored. He looked
totally blank.
“Tell me, the teacher asked him,” Do you have
trouble hearing me? “No, he replied, I’ve trouble
listening?”
A man who was suffering from what proved
to be a fatal disease was asked by a priest
whether he had made peace with God. Why, he
replied, “I don’t remember that we’ve ever
quarreled.”
“YOUR son is spoiled. Mrs. Ram, “How dare
you, He’s nothing of the kind.” “No? wait till you
have a summons from the Police station.”
WIFE: Ajay dear why are we pushing this car
off the cliff?
Husband: Hush up Shiela darling or you will
wake up your mother.
The law protects everybody except those who
can’t afford to hire a clever lawyer.
EMPLOYER: How did you puncture the car tire?
Driver: Ran over a rum bottle.
Employer: Didn’t you see it?
Driver: No, the man run over had it under his
coat.
IN a democracy Parliament enacts laws, and the
courts interpret them, the Executive enforces
them and the citizens violate them.
A person received Rs. 5,000 as compensation
for injuries in a railway accident, add his wife
got Rs. 2,000.
“How badly was hurt your wife? asked a
relative.
“Oh, she wasn’t hurt at all, replied the man,
“But my presence of mind did the work. I kicked
her in the teeth before the rescue party arrived.”
The lawyer was reading the will—
“To my dear wife, I leave my farm and house.
To my son my factory and my car. To my daughter
Rs. 50,000 poultry and to my brother-in-law, who
always believes that health is preferable to
wealth, I leave the bottle of tonic.”
THE surgeon told the patient that he had
some good news and some bad news for him.
“What’s the good news? Asked the patient.
“Your affected leg is getting better. And the bad
news?
“I cut off your good leg my mistake.”
A murderer was about to be hanged. When
the hangman came he complained—
‘I haven’t had my tea and breakfast.” “That
has nothing to do with my job,” said the
hangman. “My job is to see that you don’t ask
for your dinner.”
A woman murdered her husband. She was
produced before the Sessions Judge. There she
pleaded quietly but requested the judge to take
note of the fact that it was the first murder, she was
a widow and had two infant daughters.
LIZA: Well what happened when you showed
the Office girls your new engagement ring? Did
they all admire it?
Rozy: Better than that, four of them
recognized it.