The Top Online Laughs
CUSTOMER: “You told me these were fast
colors, yet in one washing the shirt faded.”
Shopkeeper: “Well, you couldn’t ask for
anything faster than that could you?”
SALES agent to a prospective client on this
house visit, “Which hair oil you use, Sir?”
Client : “Shanker’s Hair oil.”
Agent : “What powder do you use?”
“Shanker’s powder.”
Agent : “I have not heard the name of this
Brand.”
Client : “It is not company’s name. Shanker is
my friend. I am using his articles.”
ONCE a travelling salesman died suddenly in
a small town. The local police found the man’s
gbusiness card in his pocket and sent a telegram
to the employer saying, “Irving who died in our
town appears was employed by your firm. We
are holding pears was employed by a your firm.
We are holing his body. What is the first thing,
you want us to do?”
The telegraphic reply was to search his
pockets for orders.
SALES Manager: “I think it’s a good time to
sell the Sahni’s a car.”
Salesman : “What makes you think so?”
Sales Manager: “Their neighbors have
purchased a new one.”
FIRST Hunter: “Killed anything?”
Second Hunger : “Not a thing! Wish I’d gone
motoring.”
Last night I read a book that brought tears to
my eyes-it was my bankbook.
THE Prospective purchaser: “I’m afraid your
make of car does not suit us. My fiancee cannot
reach the brakes and steering wheel at the same
time.”
The Salesman: “But, sir, the car is perfect.
Why not try new girl?”
TEACHER: What are the products of the West
Indies?’’
Boy “I don’t know.”
“Come, come! Where do you get sugar from?”
“We borrow it from the next-door neighbor.”
LADY (at almond counter) : “Who attends to
the nuts?”
Salesman: “Be patient, I’ll wait on you in a
minute.”
A New England farmer, who was down to New
York City to see the sights, engaged a room at
a hotel, and before retiring asked the clerk about
the hours for meals.
We have breakfast from six to eleven, dinner
from eleven to three, and supper from tree to
eight,’’ explained the Clerk.
“Wa-as say,” inquired the farmer, pulling his
chin whiskers, “What time aim I going see the
town?”
This guy goes into the barber shop and says,
“How is it going?” The barber says, “Busy.” he
comes the next day, “How is it going?” ….. “Busy.
Comes in again the third time and asks, “How’s
it going?” The barbar says?” Busy”. But now the
barber got suspicious and requested his friend
to follows the guy and see where he goes. The
friend followed him and told the barber on return,
“The guy has gone to your house.”
CUSTOMER: “If you have such an infallided
remedy for baldness, why don’t you use it?”
Barber (very bald) : Sir, I sacrifice my
appearance to bring home to clients the horror
of hairlessness.
The former Chief of the Army Staff, General
G.N. Choudhry was once on an inspection tour
and our commanding Officer was briefing him
about his regiment, which included many
Bengalis.
“Sir the Bangalis just don’t make good soldiers
by temperament,” remarked.
“Yes, you’re right,” agreed the Bengali
Chaudhry, his eye twinkling. They only make
good Generals.
NOW that my brother has joined the army the
war will be over soon. He has never held a job
for more than two weeks in his life.
SERGEANT: “Why is it important not to lose your
head in an attack?”
Recruit: “Because that would leave no place
to put the helmet.”
On the eve of the annual inspection of
armaments, our commanding officer became a
father. The next day was also a success, with
our regiment winning a ‘Very Good from the
Inspector. At our usual 9 P.M. Meeting afterward, we congratulated him. Mistaking our
good wishes to be for the result of the inspection,
he said modestly, “The credit is entirely yours,
gentleman.”
SALESGIRL: “Here’s a greeting card with a
wonderful sentiment: “To the only I ever loved.”
Sailor: “That’s the one for me. I’ll take a
dozen.”
A sailor recruit refused to submit to the shaky
the scalpel of a young navy surgeon.
“Look, sir,” he said firmly, “I joined the Navy to
see this world, not the next one.”
A teacher had just moved house with all her
possessions including box after box of books.
As the van driver deposited the last heavy
packing case on the second-story building, he
grumbled, “For Heaven’s sake, lady, why didn’t
you read them before you came?”