The Web’s Best Jokes
YOU’RE SO out of shape,
the government would pay you not to donate
your body to science.
EVERYONE thought he was a marvel
of modern science until
they discovered he was a boy
instead of a talking chimp.
HE’S very useful at picnics.
He keeps the files away from the food.
The only dates she gets are blind dates.
As long as the guys can’t see her face,
they don’t get sick to their stomachs.
YOU’RE A very brave person.
If I had a face like yours,
I’d be ashamed to come out of the house.
You certainly do look like
a big movie star the Frankenstein monster.
I wouldn’t say he’s a blockhead,
but a flock of woodpeckers follows
him wherever he goes.
HER nose is so big,
she gets caught in revolving doors.
She would be a real charmer
if it weren’t for her personality.
If you stood on a corner,
the only person who’d pick you
up would be the dustman.
YOU’RE thick, if you wrote a
novel it would be a best seller.
The last time I saw ears
as big as yours, they
were on Horns.
His ears are so big,
he uses them for umbrellas.
His teeth were so bad,
he pulled them out and
sold them as a set of miniature
dominoes.
HE’S so bow-legged,
he can ride two horse
at the same time.
HE’S so lazy, he sets
the alarm clock so he
can wake up from his nap
to take a nap.
HE’S so full of hot air,
he should have been a professional
balloonist.
Did you know a movie producer
wants to buy the rights
to your life story?
He thinks it will make
a great horror picture.
When he goes to the zoo,
the monkeys throw peanuts at him.
His ears are so big,
they look like they were stolen
from a couple of old wind-ups
record players.
HE’S so insulting, people
get suspicious if he says
anything nice.
His nose is so big, the
the first time he sneezed all his
neighbors took out storm insurance.