The Web’s Greatest Laughs
A knock came at the door.
“Who is it?” asked the wife.
A gruff voice replied,
“It’s Jack the Ripper.”
She turned to her husband and said,
“It’s us for you dear’.
A wife sought the
advice of a fortune-teller,
who said, “Prepare yourself
for widowhood. Your husband is
about to die a violent death.”
The wife sighed deeply and asked,
“Will I be acquitted?”
It takes two to make an argument,
and the same number to get married.
“I understand the government
is going to handle marriage.” “Yes”.
“I wonder what department that’ll be in?”
“I think it will be the War Department.”
WIFE: I can’t sleep, dear,
I keep thinking there’s a mouse
under the bed.
Husband: Well, start thinking there’s
a cat under the bed and go to sleep.
HUSBAND Can you guess where
I’ve boosWife: I can.
But soon without a story.
They say that marriage makes
a man dizzy and it’s true.
As soon as I got a wife,
I lost my balance at the bank.
ANY man who thinks he’s
smarter than his wife is
married to a smart woman.
There are two kinds of men—the
quick and the wed.
THE luggage-laden husband started
miserably down the platform at the
departing train. “If you hadn’t taken
so long getting ready,”
he admonished his wife,
“We should have caught it.”
“Yes,” the little woman rejoiced,
“and if you hadn’t hurried me so,
we wouldn’t have so long to wait for the next one.”
WIFE: I should have listened
to my mother’s advice arid
never married you
Husband: Good grief. How I’ve misjudged that woman.
MARRIAGE is the only known example
of the happy meeting of the
immovable object and
the irresistible force.
WIFE: You’re such a wonderful husband.
Even if Robert Redford asked
me to run away with him, I wouldn’t forget you.
FIRST HUSBAND: I’m buying a washing
machine for my wife as a birthday present.
Second Husband: That will be a surprise, eh?
First Husband: You bet. She’s expecting a new car.
HUSBAND: My razor’s awfully blunt,
dear. I can hardly shave with it.
Wife: Why, charies you don’t mean to tell
me your beard is tougher than the linoleum.
WIFE: I’m going home to my mother.
I should have listened to her
20 years ago.
Husband: Go ahead-she’s still talking.
I run things in my house—the washing machine,
the dishwasher…