The Web’s Most Amusing Jokes
A film actress was talking to a businessman
at a cocktail party. She asked, “What to do with
all the money?”
Businessman: “Invest in business.”
Actress: “I do not know a word of business.”
Businessman: “You don’t have to know
the business. You just become a sleeping partner.”
THE newlyweds had received many valuable
wedding gifts and established their home in a
suburb. One morning they received in the mail
two tickets for a popular show in the city. The
card said, “Guess who.” The pair tried hard to
identify the donor, but failed in the effort.
They duly attended the theatre and had a
delightful time. On, their return late that night,
still trying to guess the identity of the unknown
host, they found the house stripped of every
article of value.
On a bare table in the dining room was a card
written in the same hand as the enclosure with
the ticket : “Now you know!”
RAM: “Somebody picked my pocket.”
Ravi: “What did he get?”
Ram: “Practice.”
“TELL me,” he said, “do you object to making
love!”
“That’s something I’ve never, done,” she said.
“Never made love?”
“No, Silly. Never objected.”
A man never earns enough, a woman is never
beautiful enough, clothes are never new enough,
the house is never furnished enough the food is
never fancy enough. The good life exists only
when you stop wanting a better one. Salvation
lies in the thinking: “What have is enough and
will do”.
“NOW children,” said the Sunday school
teacher, “I have told you the story of Jonah and
the whale. Wilie, you may, tell me what this story
teaches.”
“Yes mam” said Willie, the bright eyed son of
the pastor, “It teaches that you can’t keep a good
man down.
HE: “I wonder why women pay more attention
to beauty then they do to brains?”
She : “Because no matter how stupid a man
is, he is seldom blind.”
“WELL, how are you getting on with your
courtship with the banker’s daughter.”
“Not so bad. I am getting some
encouragement now.”
“Really: Is she beginning to smile sweetly on
you, or something like that?”
“Not exactly, but last night she told me she
had said ‘No’ for the last time.”
“NEVER go around with a married woman,
unless you’re prepared to go two rounds with
her husband.”
“STOP, look, listen: Those three words
illustrate the whole scheme of life,” said he.
“How!”
“You see a pretty girl, you stop, you look, and
after you marry her, for the rest of your life, you
listen.”
GIRL: “I would like such a husband who is
smart looking talkative, good at telling jokes, and
never to out at night.
Boy friend : “What you want is not a husband
but a television.”
AN attractive young woman walked into a
gunsmith’s shop.
“I want a good, reliable automatic,” she said
sweetly.
“Yes madam,” the gunsmith replied, “I take it,
you want to defend yourself?”
“Oh, no I’ll have a lawyer to defend me.”
FEELING sorry for one of his older inmates who
never received any callers on visiting day, the
jail warden summoned the man to his office.
“Bug.” he said, kindly, “I notice you never get
any callers. Don’t you have any friends?”
“Sure,” replied Bug, “but they’re all in htere.”
VICKEY: You are looking bright and happy this
morning! What is the matter?’’
Ravi : “I have cleared all my debt.”
Vicky : “Where did you get the money from?”
Ravi : “I did not gt any money but my creditor
died last night.”
NOTICE in a hotel bedroom—
No smoking in bed nor any other disgustng
behaviour.’’
“MY sister is awfully lucky,” said one littel boy
to another.
“How?”
“She went to a party last night where they
played a game in which the man either had to
kiss a girl or play a forfeit a box of chocolates.”
“Well, how was your sister lucky?”
“She came home with thirteen boxes
chocolates.”
PLAYBOY: “What would you say if I asked you
to marry me?”
Playgirl: “Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at
the same time.”
There was a sound of footsteps, followed by
a loud knock at the door. “Oh God,” exclaimed
the woman to the lover who was with her in the bedroom. “My husband has come back.”
“What shall I do?” asked the nervous lover.
“Jump out of the window”, said the woman.
“But we are on the thirteenth floor”, the man
pointed.
“Is this the time for being superstitious?”,
thundered the woman.