The Web’s Top Jokes
DID you hear about the doctor who wrote out
a prescription in the usual doctor’s fashion? The
patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.
Twice is got him into Radio City Music Hall, and
once into Yankee Stadium. It came in handy as
a letter from his employer to the cashier to
increase his salary. And as a climax, his
daughter played it on the piano and won a
scholar ship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.
WHEN we first married, my wife was not a very
good cook. She would make new desserts and
have me try them before dinner.
One day I came home and she told me that
she had just made a pumpkin pie. She told me
to try some. I said, “How about after dinner?”
She said, “No, I want you to try it now”.
I don’t want to say it was bad, but I had to
drink four glassfuls.
WIFE : What are spectacles?
Husband : Spectacles are glasses that people
look through.
Wife : If you looked through a window would
you call it a spectacle.
Husband : It depends on what you saw.
PATIENT : You see, Doctor, I have this habit of
collecting spaghetti. My entire living room is filled
with it.
Psychiatrist : Why don’t you put it in the
closet?
Patient : There’s no room. That’s where I keep
the meatballs.
WIFE : You don’t expect me to wear this old
squirrel coat the rest of my life do you?
Husband : Why not? The squirrels do!
STATISTICS prove that marriage is a preventive
of suicide. But, on the other hand, they also
prove that suicide is a preventive of marriage.
FIRST boy : I couldn’t learn to spell.
Second boy : Why not?
First boy : My teacher always changes the
words.
WIFE: John, wake up, there’s a mouse in the
bedroom. I can hear it squeaking.
Husband (as he rolled over) : What do you
want me to do? Get up and oil it?
WORKER: I’m a steady worker.
Boss : You sure are. If you were any steadier,
you would be motionless.
MOTHER: Rozy, eat your spinach, it’s good for
growing children.
Rozy : Who want to grow children?
FIRST spinster : Why did you sell your double
bed and buy twin beds?
Second spinster : Because every night I look
under the bed to see if a man is there. With two
beds, my chances are choubled.
“HE made an unusually good after dinner
speech.”
“Why did he say?” he said, He said, ‘Waiter,
give me the chieck.”
COACH (to referee) : You stink!.
Referee (who picked up the football, marked
off another 15 yard penalty, and turned to the
coach) : How do I smell from here?