Web Laughs
CUSTOMER (in a hotel) : “How long do you
expect me to wait for half chicken?”
Waiter : “Until someone else orders for the
other half. We just can’t go and kill half a hen.”
TEACHER : “How was it, your home work sums
were all correct?”
Pupil : “Dad is away from home.”
A salesman, who was scheduled to come
home on Friday covered his territory early and
sent his wife a telegram : WILL BE HOME
THURSDAY.
On arriving home on Thursday, he parked his
car and walked up to the house. Through the
window, he saw his wife in the arms of another
man. Instead of entering his home, the irate
husband went down the street to see his fatherin-law.’’ I’m not going to stand for it’’ he shouted.
“I’ll file for divorce.”
“Now don’t be hasty,” said the father-in-law.
“I’m sure there must be a good explanation. Let
me go and talk to her.” The father went to his
daughter’s home, came back and said, “I knw
there’d be a good reason. She didn’t get your
telegram.”
SHOPKEEPER : “Did you kill any moths with
those moth balls I sold you?”
Customer : “I was trying all day but could not
hit one.”
CUSTOMER : “So you’ve got rid of that pretty
clerk you had?”
Druggist : “Yes, all my gentlemen customers
keeps saying that a smile from her was as good
as a tonic?”
CUSTOMER : “You’re sure one bottle will cure a
cold?
Druggist : “It must, Sir. Nobody’s ever come
back for a second.”
DINER : How is this gold goup made?
Waiter : We put in 14 carrots.
SOME freinds were sitting in a restaurant
waiting for the food, ordered by them. It was
more then half-an-hour, and thre was no sign of
activity on the table.
A friend in digest asked : “Is it really the waiter
who waits or the customer?”
CHEMISTRY Teacher : “Can you give me the
formula for water?”
Student : “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-.”
Chemistry Teacher : “Where did you get an
idea like that?’
Student : “You told us the other day it was H
to O.”
MOTHER asked the music teacher : “What
would be the best instrument that my son should
learn?”
Teacher : “I have no hestitation in saying, the
bagpipes. They sound exactly the same when
you have finished learining them, as when you
started learning.”
TEACHER : “Who were the first human beings?”
Pupil : “Adam and Eve.”
Teacher : “And what nationality were they?”
Pupil : “Indian, of course.”
Teacher : “And how do you know they were
Indian?”
Pupil : “Easy. They had no roof over their
heads, no clothes to wear and only one apple
between them and they called it paradise.”
A man was travelling to Manchester with his
family by train. Since their compartment was a
non-smoker, he went next door to smoke a cigar.
The only other occupant was rather a dejected
young man, gazing modily out of the window.
Harry offered him a cigar.
“No thank you,” said the young man, “I don’t
smoke.”
When Harry had finished with his newspaper,
he asked the young man whether he’d like to
read it.
“No thank you,” he replied, “I don’t read.”
Still hoping to cheer up his travelling
companion, Harry offered to by him a drink—
“No thank you,” came the refrain, “I don’t
drink.”
Refusing to admit defeat, Harry tried again:
“Young man, I admire your principles. I’d like
you to come and meet my wife and daughter in
the next compartment.”
“No thank you. I don’t screw either.”
SHE : “Daddy is so pleased to hear you are a
poet.”
He : “Fine, He likes poetry, then?”
She : “Not at all. but the last riend of mine he
tried to throw out was an amateur boxer.”