The Web’s Most Memorable Laughs
YOUNG man to his boss : Mr. Sam, my mother
told me to ask you for a raise.
Mr. Sam : Okay, I’ll ask my mother if I may
give it to you.
BOSS: Have you anything to say before I fire
you.
Employee: Yes. How about a raise?
BOSS: You should have been here at eight
o’clock this morning.
Secretary: Why? What happened?
Teach your son to cut his own wood. It will
warm him twice.
SALESMAN to Customer: “This is actually a fire
sale. The boss said that if don’t make a sale,
I’m fired.”
ONE employee to another employee…and
when the boss’s son starts working here
Tomorrow he’ll have no special privileges or
authority. Treat him just as you would anyone
else who was due to take over the whole
business in a year or two’’.
A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish
life-style went to a party. The conversation
turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant,
magnificient, a genius!”
The woman, wanting to join in the
conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Max.
You’re so right. I love him only this morning I
saw him getting on the No. 5 but going to Coney
Island.” There was a sudden hash, and everyone
looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He
pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving
right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here.”
As they drove home, he kept muttering to
himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re
angry about something.”
“Oh really? You noticed?” he snecred. “I’ve
never been so embarrassed in my life. You saw
Max take the No. 5 bus to coney Island? You
diot. Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go to
Coney Island?”
“EVERY once in a while my wife puts on once
of those mud packs.”
“Does it improve her looks?”
“Only for a few days—then the mud falls off!”
A motorist, after being bogged down in a
muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollar to
pull him out with his tractor. After he was back
on dry ground he said to the farmer, “At those
prices, I should think you would be pulling people
out of the mud night and day”.
“Can’t,” replied the farmer. “At night I haul
water for the hole.”
BOSS to new employee : “Most amazing,
you’ve been with us two weeks and already
you’re a month behind in your work.”
ONE unemployed man to another : “Why hurts
was that I wasn’t replaced by a whole computer
just a transistor”.
EMPLOYEE: Sir, I’ve been with you for 27 years,
and I’ve never before asked or a raise.
Boss : That’s why you’ve been with me for 27
years.
“HAVE you ever thought about divorcing your
wife?”
“Divorce?…No. Murder? …Yes.”